gods ,what is happening ?

has been thinking about past this few days , what am i doing ? why am i not treasure the thing i have , why am i spending money on those game thing ? why arhs ? maybe is not too late to realise , but , how i felt was damnit ? , ya i should not be doing this thing again . . .
speaking of the past make me thought back of this date , 29th august around 630 pm , why ? missing or ? i dunno , that kinda weird feeling just keep coming from me . . . maybe i should not be so bad , or maybe i should ? gods know . . . destroying people feeling , is just like making people 's life shorter , the more you do , the shorter life they have , until the worse case maybe commit suicide ? commit suicide for ? because of what people did to you , or regret what you've done . . . what's more ? drop from five floor ended not dying , but pararize for life ?the only cure is time , it depend on how much you hurt that person . . . . sorry << this word wont help , unless what ? maybe that people treated you differently , or still have love with you ? but trust , trust is the hardest to regain , how people are together if they without trust ? tricking each other everyday , thought nothing will happen , how much do you think you will hurt other's just doing that per-day , maybe they can tolerate for the first month , but not forever , hatred will grow somehow . . . what is happening ? maybe i should put more trust to her , but do i get back any ? caring isnt about restriction , but yes , restrict shows caring for people , but restrict took away their freedom , isnt it just like trapping them in your jail ? why are you doing that ? don't bullshit with me you care people with this method , selfish dog ? thats what i meant , god , you give earth human , but human are destroying earth , the ultra beautiful nature , where is it now ? human fight , human kills , human trick other's , human destroy , earth earth i ask you , do you appreciate what human done to you ? (for themselves) if i am earth , i should just speed toward sun and kill all mankind . . . then explode (suicide?). . . and celebrate my successful on destroy mankind in hell . . .
what am i thinking , humans let me knows what's love about , what's care about , and maybe some what's hate about , treasure those who care for you , treasure those who shows love to you , beautifying this earth , ignore the hated , care for people , love for people , don't hurt yourself , live this life beautiful , flashback what you done , what bad thing you've done , don't regret , but change it . . . and remember gods are always watching you . . .